Since I've had the stroke, I feel compelled to relate that I set out long ago to write about one woman's journey to the reality of truth. I decided then that whatever convoluted, wrong thinking I had and all the wrong paths I took (however horrific) needed to be included in this story for it to be authentic, just in case some other woman or girl like me happened to read it. They would also benefit from any comments which appeared on a piece that could help steer them back on course. You've all contributed greatly to the whole of this story with your ongoing wisdom, for which I'm truly, truly grateful. And of course, deep thanks to all who have taken time to comment on all my posts. The story would not be complete without all of you.
So, the journey continues, far from done yet. I want people to know just how deep the damage goes when parents are unaware of their own impact on their children's lives. Though this story is not about blaming my own parents, it IS about the reality of where it all begins, and just how little we really know about the fragility of a young child's mind, it's vulnerability. Also, just how truly difficult it is to repair the damage later, in some cases impossible. And mine is only one story. Think what a different world this would be had all children everywhere been nurtured, encouraged, set free to dream, instead of their being hammered into an ideal shape acceptable to their parents.
So my story, my mission, is two, even three-fold.:
1. To speak to girls and women who are in danger of ending up like me, always on the wrong path.
2. To speak to parents trying to find the right way to raise their children.
2. To speak to other Aspie wives like me who have a hard time coping with the reality of Asperger Syndrome, which I personally do not view as a disability, by the way, but just a variance from neuro-normal.
Asperger's can also be accompanied by other disorders of the mind like bi-polarity, paranoia, OCD, severe control issues, narcissism. Asperger's itself is a mild form of autism, ranging from completely dependent to high-functioning. Very often, the Aspie is exceptionally high I.Q'd, even brilliant, as in my mate, yet rude, lacking in social skills.
I am not without my own demons. They are partly born in me, beaten into me, adopted by me, or falsely believed by me. I am clearly histrionic, disassociative, having always felt different from others with no sense of belonging anywhere. My life was always chaotic as were my feelings – never consistent or stable, but changeable and unpredictable. I felt an outcast of society, undeserving of anything and secretly yearning for a better way of life, but not knowing how to achieve it and lacking confidence that I could change. Also diagnosed about ten years ago with ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, which surely contributed greatly to my impulsiveness and lack of good judgment. I also was born an empath...with very thin boundaries. I feel very acutely the pain and suffering of others, even those I don't personally know and am not likely to ever meet. Add that to the other tendencies and you have the recipe for a neutron bomb. As I work through and try to remedy all these personal issues, I try to keep readers informed, hoping they won't look down their noses or sneer.
My posts, including my poetry, will vary greatly, from "recently happened" to "ghost from the past". It's not my intention to worry friends and family who read them, thinking I need immediate rescue. My own fault; as a writer I should make that more clear. I'm still learning my craft.
I do so appreciate all of you who have come along for the ride, as uncomfortable as it invariably might be. The tendency of some has been to be only judgmental, which I regret, for their sake. I've always thought you could learn something useful from walking in a fellow traveller's shoes, if only for a couple of minutes. I raise my glass to all who have cheered me on, and who only wish freedom and good things for me. I lovingly wish the same, forever, for all of you, and that we all will stay in love with love.
--Jo VonBargen 2013
So, the journey continues, far from done yet. I want people to know just how deep the damage goes when parents are unaware of their own impact on their children's lives. Though this story is not about blaming my own parents, it IS about the reality of where it all begins, and just how little we really know about the fragility of a young child's mind, it's vulnerability. Also, just how truly difficult it is to repair the damage later, in some cases impossible. And mine is only one story. Think what a different world this would be had all children everywhere been nurtured, encouraged, set free to dream, instead of their being hammered into an ideal shape acceptable to their parents.
So my story, my mission, is two, even three-fold.:
1. To speak to girls and women who are in danger of ending up like me, always on the wrong path.
2. To speak to parents trying to find the right way to raise their children.
2. To speak to other Aspie wives like me who have a hard time coping with the reality of Asperger Syndrome, which I personally do not view as a disability, by the way, but just a variance from neuro-normal.
Asperger's can also be accompanied by other disorders of the mind like bi-polarity, paranoia, OCD, severe control issues, narcissism. Asperger's itself is a mild form of autism, ranging from completely dependent to high-functioning. Very often, the Aspie is exceptionally high I.Q'd, even brilliant, as in my mate, yet rude, lacking in social skills.
I am not without my own demons. They are partly born in me, beaten into me, adopted by me, or falsely believed by me. I am clearly histrionic, disassociative, having always felt different from others with no sense of belonging anywhere. My life was always chaotic as were my feelings – never consistent or stable, but changeable and unpredictable. I felt an outcast of society, undeserving of anything and secretly yearning for a better way of life, but not knowing how to achieve it and lacking confidence that I could change. Also diagnosed about ten years ago with ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, which surely contributed greatly to my impulsiveness and lack of good judgment. I also was born an empath...with very thin boundaries. I feel very acutely the pain and suffering of others, even those I don't personally know and am not likely to ever meet. Add that to the other tendencies and you have the recipe for a neutron bomb. As I work through and try to remedy all these personal issues, I try to keep readers informed, hoping they won't look down their noses or sneer.
My posts, including my poetry, will vary greatly, from "recently happened" to "ghost from the past". It's not my intention to worry friends and family who read them, thinking I need immediate rescue. My own fault; as a writer I should make that more clear. I'm still learning my craft.
I do so appreciate all of you who have come along for the ride, as uncomfortable as it invariably might be. The tendency of some has been to be only judgmental, which I regret, for their sake. I've always thought you could learn something useful from walking in a fellow traveller's shoes, if only for a couple of minutes. I raise my glass to all who have cheered me on, and who only wish freedom and good things for me. I lovingly wish the same, forever, for all of you, and that we all will stay in love with love.
--Jo VonBargen 2013
