dense and soul-heavy,
you have this sense that joyful love
will never be yours, and as you
walk the wet pavements trying
to free the heart, your mind is a whirling,
dizzy Milky Way, a Hell-bound night bug
swirling crazily, crazily in the feeble
streetlights, memories underfoot, always
underfoot and armed, like water
gnawing at your muddy banks, gentle
killers of your dreams, in your blood,
so shuttered in your blood that no one's
guiltless, not even God, anymore
Waiting for the days of feasting
on your corpse, you wish that
healing snows would soon cover this
death you hold your breath for,
and looking up at the stars you see
your slated fate
and wonder through tears why your
boundless, unchanging love could
never find another like it;
is it because the sunlight you
bore attracts only the Dark,
the Other? your fiery rays hiding
a black hole sucking in all the broken
hallelujahs that you are for God,
for father, for all men
emerging from your dreams, on
the horizon, another bold,
promising lover, his eventual
turn to violence, his long
goodbyes patiently waiting their
turn, ritualed as any
christening, and you, sullen, listen
hard for the hordes, the demons
that will ruin it all eventually,
the loathesome hubbub of
shattered hopes they
leave, ghosts in the wet mud,
and there you'll stand in the end,
draped in your crosses, sobbing,
left killed to the bone yet
again, waiting for the angels to
carry you at last to the caves,
behind the stone they'll
never roll away
--Jo VonBargen 2011
"POWERFUL" "I calculate if I can afford all those years in the slammer if I went ahead and made your day" YOUR THIN BONES Letters I Never Sent You - on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005LKBR6A
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